It is hard to really make a connection with people in such a fast-paced world. Everyone is concerned with what is revolving around in their head in the moment and not always with giving you the attention needed to make a connection.

Just like with social media, you need a hook to fully capture the attention of someone and begin a conversation.

Conversation Hooks:
1. Ask a question that causes consideration.
Asking a question that forces someone to give their full attention to the answer will stop other thoughts in their track and refocus their energy on you. Make sure the question is meaningful to your upcoming conversation and can be looped into the next strand of thought.
For example:
You want to connect with a customer in the lobby of your retail business.
You: “Can I ask you a question?”
Them, stopping and facing you: “Sure.”
You: “I was just looking at your glasses and love the design. Did you have to custom-order them to be that unique?”
Them: Is flattered and begins to tell you where they got them and why they chose them.
You: “I absolutely love them and will have to check that out. I feel like everything from the stores all looks the same and am always impressed with new looks that showcase an awesome personality. It’s what we try to do here in this store, too. Have you come across something you like already?”

2. Find the Connection.
Now, this isn’t as easy as “Hey! We have the same Apple Watch!” and needs to be something that puts you into a new category in their brain. You want to go from “another nearby human” to “a potential contact/friend” or “someone like me!”
If you are in the same place of business as someone else, notice what they are looking at or doing and find something that puts you on their “side” or in their same “category.”
For example:
You: “I put that shirt back, too. Don’t you think it seems a little 1990s?”
Them: “Yes! I was thinking the same thing!”
You: “Maybe I just can’t keep up with the fashion trends anymore. They seem to change so fast! Do you think they will bring back __________? I loved those when I was in college.”
Them: “Oh I hope so, I also had some and wish I had them still!”
From here, you can shift the conversation to anything else, as long as they are not giving you signals that they are trying to go about their day.

3. Ask Questions About Them.
Everyone loves to talk about themselves because, well, it is one of our best-known subjects!
The trick here is – you can’t just approach anyone in the street and start bombarding them about their history and interests. The timing has to be right – maybe you are at a dinner party and already sitting next to someone that you don’t know well. Maybe you are in line with someone for a period of time and there is nothing better to do than make the best use of time by enjoying some conversation.
When you do have the right timing, here are some key questions that will help you move from “stranger” to “connection”:
“How did you end up here?” -and from there, you glean information about their current situation and what drove them to this point in which they are graced with your presence. Search through their answer to find new points of connection to build on.
“What do you do for work?” Is an easy one to build on. Yes, it is small talk but grows into more if you find that connection within their answer. Maybe you use their services already or have need of them.
Or, you can find an off-the-wall question that startles out a laugh and a good time.
“Why do you think manhole covers are round instead of square?” – be careful though, the answer from a stranger will probably be “I don’t know” and you’ll have to follow it up with your own opinion to see if you can hook them into a friendly debate.

4. Do Something Nice:
Now, don’t start approaching strangers loading groceries in their car and loading their bags to begin a conversation. That’s just creepy.
I would, however, encourage you to keep your eyes open for opportunities around you in the frame of mind of “how can I be of service.”
Maybe a kid is throwing a tantrum in the grocery store and you just happen to have a goofy toy left in your purse. See if you can make the kid a bit happier and give their harassed parent a break. This will open the door to a meaningful connection and conversation because that person appreciates you and is very willing to give you some time for your help in their day.

There are so many ways to make connections with people that we would typically not befriend. In today’s world, we are less-likely to be engaging with stranger nor be engaged with by strangers. But, I truly think that most people want those connections and a good random conversation with a random person spurs good vibes for the rest of the day.

I encourage you to try it out. You’ll fail at making connections and get some weird looks but hey, they will probably forget about it in a few days or, with any luck, you still made them smile (even if it was at your expense) and you can walk away knowing that you did have an impact on that person, even if it wasn’t quite what you had in mind.

Practice engaging and making connections with strangers. How did it go? I would love to hear the charming stories!